Clean This Shithole | Funny Family Candle
Clean This Shithole | Funny Family Candle
Clean Room
Warm cinnamon and brown sugar get brightened with lemon zest, then melt into pralines and vanilla. The room may still be questionable. It just smells handled.
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THE GOOD STUFF
Everything you actually want to know.
The scent, the details, and how to keep the good decisions going.
Full product details
Scent: Clean Room
CLEAN THIS SHITHOLE
And then light this candle.
Your room looks like a raccoon lost a custody battle in it.
There are clothes on the chair. Clothes next to the chair. Clothes that have somehow achieved diplomatic immunity and can no longer be questioned about whether they’re clean or dirty.
There’s a glass on the nightstand that may predate electricity.
Enough.
Pick up the underwear. Throw away the mystery cup. Shove everything you don’t know what to do with into a closet and close the door before it changes its mind.
Then light the candle.
Because nothing says “I have my shit together” quite like cleaning one room and immediately rewarding yourself for surviving it.
CLEANED ROOM
We took Candle Builders’ Comfort Spice fragrance and gave it a name that better reflects the achievement.
Top: Cinnamon Stick & Lemon Zest
Heart: Brown Sugar & Pralines
Base: Vanilla Extract
Warm cinnamon and brown sugar roll in first, lemon zest keeps the whole thing from becoming a bakery hostage situation, and vanilla and praline finish the job.
Does your room actually smell clean?
Who gives a shit. It smells fantastic.
13.75 oz clear glass candle. No. 10 of 12 in the Sinscents Family Life Collection.
THE GIFT FOR SOMEONE WHO NEEDS TO HEAR IT
At $39.99, Clean This Shithole also happens to be excellent ammunition when somebody tells you the Christmas gift exchange has a $50 limit.
Bring it to a White Elephant, Yankee Swap, Dirty Santa, Secret Santa, family Christmas, office party, or whatever your people call the annual ceremony where adults steal gifts from each other and suddenly become weirdly competitive over a candle.
This is the kind of funny White Elephant gift we actually like: everybody laughs when it gets opened, then somebody immediately decides they want it.
That’s the target.
Not landfill crap.
Not another mug.
Not something somebody politely says is “cute” before abandoning it next to the coats.
A genuinely good candle with CLEAN THIS SHITHOLE written across the front.
That’s a White Elephant gift.
And because there isn’t a snowman, reindeer, peppermint stripe, or inspirational fucking snowflake anywhere on it, it still makes sense on January 17th when the room has somehow become a disaster again.
The Christmas decorations come down.
The shithole always returns.
Collector warning: Only 100 copies of No. 05 BFF exist, which means only 100 complete 12-candle Family Life sets can ever exist.
No pressure.
Your family already supplies plenty of that.
Bad Influence. Great Candles.
Need more gift-exchange ammunition? Browse our White Elephant gifts, the Family Life Collection, or our Christmas candles and holiday gifts.
Burn it right
Keep the wick trimmed before each burn. On the first burn, let the melt pool reach the edge of the vessel when practical. Never leave a burning candle unattended, keep it away from drafts and anything flammable, and stop burning when about 1/2 inch of wax remains.
Shipping
Shipping cost and available delivery estimates are shown at checkout.
Your candle can smell incredible and have a questionable sense of humor. We see no reason to make you choose.
— OUR EXTREMELY SERIOUS BRAND PHILOSOPHY
We could’ve slapped “Live, Laugh, Love” on a jar. But then we’d have to live with ourselves.
— A STATEMENT FROM THE ART DEPARTMENT
Our sense of humor is questionable. Your checkout shouldn’t be. Shopify handles the payment. We handle the bad influence.
— THE DEPARTMENT OF ACTUAL RESPONSIBILITY
For the person who says “you shouldn’t have”—and, for once, means it. Still wants to know where you got it, though.
— OUR OFFICIAL POSITION ON GIFTING
